LibraryRin: How do you talk to strangers? Sayu: You’ll feel nervous at first, heart thumping, right? Just don’t think to much about it before you do it. Say hi, how are you, talk abit about yourself and ask them about them… yeah!
Hello my lovely sister, Rinni
I always wanted to help you to be more comfortable with people. I think K.C. wanted that too. Anyways, really glad you asked me. I wanted to give you a more better answer then, but i forgot the time and place. So here’s some advice;
I had encountered the same dilemma as well, not to long ago and for a long time. It was when we had that conversation in the library, yesterday, had I realised this fear (problem) begun to weaken, if not dissipated. Then, you ask me, ‘how do you talk to stranger?’. I thought back and remembered all the little thing I had done to overcome it.
Accept: past and present.
The first and the hardest step was to accept who I was and am, then to believe that I will become who I wanted to be, in time. Since the later years of primary school, even now, my heart fluttered and it hurt alot, when I thought of the past; things I could have done better, what i have already done, the people I had hurt, etc. The past is the hardest thing to accept. For me, my heart never stopped hurting. I thought I was it was some kind of punishment because of all the bad thing I have done. believed that. I know, now, that I cannot change it, no matter how vivid a memory it is.
From year seven to eight, I told myself to forget. It got worse from then.
Year nine, it happened often in classes and in front of people. I hid it by saying it was heart burn from the food I had eaten and that it was nothing.
Year ten, I told myself, ‘I forgive you’ and ‘it’s okay’, because it hurt til’ I almost cried.
Year eleven, it began to get better. I began to tell myself to accept who I am.
Now, I happens less.
(Oh! Just remembered, we talk about our heart aching before (years ago). Here I was worried about whether this would relate to what you are going through.) Anyways, once you accept your past, it is easier to accept who you are now, since it was your past-self that created your present-self.
The future-self… well, you can not accept something that has not happened yet…So accept that you will become that someone or that you will accomplish the goals you set. It is a bit more difficult, if you do not have a particular direction. Though I guess going with the flow is an option and believe good things will always come. On the other hand, I wrote down who I wanted to be and what I wanted to accomplish on a letter to God. My brother wrote it in dot points titled ‘MY FUTURE GOALS’ (no religious stuff 🙂 It is on my wall now. I put it up there to remind me of what could be and that I have to believe and work hard. Plus, it is statistically better. Mrs. Stickos said something, in America, about 80%+ people who wrote down their goals did better than those who did not (forgot details).
After all that, you will begin to feel more comfortable about who you are and gain more confidence. Your attitude towards yourself will project through your actions and words. People can sense and observe this. So once you like yourself, they will like you. Once you feel comfortable with yourself, they will feel comfortable around you. etc.
Then, the last step is to practice. Say ‘hi’ to someone walking by, help someone, ask questions (e.g. directions). Engage a conversation with someone who seems like your type of friend/guy (hehe). Reveal little things about yourself, what funny things happened recently, ask them about them, ask them more. Think and act like you are interest and they will feel like you are interested. Two factors are essential; eye contact and SMILE. ummm… no staring, look away occasionally because you do not want to intimidate them or pressure them to say something. Remember, they will be as nervous as you are, no matter how professional they may act. Trust me, I know. During my breaks, my co-workers, with three and more years of experience in customer service (in the food industry) told me they are still nervous sometimes.
Oh! You do not need to force yourself to be someone your not. Keep in mind that this was how I did it and who knows how others many have done it. Plus, don’t need to rush but do not forget to push yourself. Love you!