Disconnected.

I find it hard to accept the reality, which is ‘we are who we are’.

I mean, there is millions upon millions of people in the world plus a seemingly endless and unexplored universe, it is hard to accept that we are just us. Mortal and just a being.

In my dreams when I am awake, I see the stars and live through the life of another me. Some who I could be, become, wished, hoped. Someone unimaginable and so far from the truth or someone just barely close to my reality that I convince myself, it is to some extend a possibility. Though it is never someone from my past that I wish to be… I only remember the pain, not that it is the majority of what has been but because it is a stain/scar on what is. I cannot forget or else who would I be? Arrogant, cruel and cold, probably.

~Society is written, unenthusiastically!~

Overlapping ripples seem to describe society in a metaphorical way, of course, though I do not feel the need to bore myself with details (a selfish request). Maybe I will find a time to expand on this more but then again, I seem to find that I blame society for the consequences of… everything. A bit sad but I cannot go against the reality of reality so I will have to live when it until my end.

Don’t get me wrong I love my life however hateful society maybe to others and myself, I feel there has to be a reason to all this conflict so I hope to find a meaning in it all. I guess I could say it is the initial basis for my willingness to exist. Then I began to mature (somewhat) and realised I have plenty of reasons to live for: family life, romance, friend’s happiness, developments, dreams, goals, etc.

It sometimes feel like a really, really long drama written by the 60 year old, almost retired man who lives a mundane life, trying to get by, not putting effort into his work because he has the retirement fund he has been focused on earning in the past decades. We are probably the characters that literally ‘jump out of the page’ on an occasion to tell him to change this and that… probably a reason for his ‘senile-old-dude’ nickname at work as well as the fact that he always says ‘I’m going to retire tommorow’ for most of his working life. Sorry dude…so can I have a 89.5+ ATAR score for this year to go into my dream job! Please!!!

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