With each step, shadows my apprehension, doubt. Through my mind’s eye, there is the familiar blue corridor, shrouded in darkness. It lingers ominously in this house I slowly stopped calling home. A constant reminder of the prison that cages my untouchable child heart.
In each step closer to the plane of my room, the heavier the weight and fear. So with just enough mustered courage, I took a deep breath as my hand grasping for the door handle.
Eerily I felt a faint hand hovered over my left shoulder but when I turn there is no one… just as it has always been.
A pregnant pause and then the silence. I forced myself to believe it disappeared, when nothing happens, as I tear my eyes from the depths of dark behind me.
The door open as quickly as it closed, in the hope of preventing myself from peering into the dark behind those now closed door. Though I know there is something there; unblinking and waiting patiently for me too show weakness, then swallow me whole so I can dwell in its domain. It is alone and afraid. I will never tell it but I feel the same when I walk in front of it during the day. My childish belief is that I hope, just looking at it, will make it go away.
Locking the door behind me, I sat on my bed, taking a truly long awaited breath of relief.
I quick glance of my room and the nonexistent floor covered with clothes, books and impromptu rubbish bags was a representation of the life I have in day and outside of this house. Unbounded, incomplete and unfulfilled. I sighed, sinking into a medieval fantasy.
“Oh how I wished for a mother.” My hand clasped in some form of ‘light pray’, as my knees touched the floor following a ball gown of white and pearls.
“Ha! A mother you say, but you have a mother. One that has never taken interest in your personal life and never cared for your opinion as an human or an adult, this is your mother. Are you not glad, my love? You have what most may never have. Be grateful, dearest or you shall regret your choice of words!” Joker snickered with a grin, whilst seamlessly hanging upside-down from an arched window behind me.
“You know what I mean then. Another mother.” I quickly remarked, attempting to seem unfazed by his sudden appearance.
He yawned, unamused. Then reluctantly jumped down in an a graceful, acrobatic fashion, ringing the bells on his hat and just looked at me. He face read, ‘don’t be stupid’.
With a mental nod, I thought, ‘what a waste of time’.